Our situations are completely different from each other. I have NO idea why he would think that my situation was anywhere near as bad as his. He's INSANE. I'M insane... I had barely grasped the kind of pain he experienced when she left him. I thought I understood the gravity of his situation - I thought I felt the same things he felt.
But it was NOWHERE near to the pain that he must have gone through when she left.
No way in hell was it the same or, the very least, close to it. We're talking light years of difference - if, hypothetically, light years was a measurement of emotional pain a person can experience.
I mean... I knew that I wasn't going to find anything good by digging around amongst his skeletons. Everyone has a past and secrets to hide - no exceptions. So I knew what I was getting myself into.
I get it now... It's so hard for me to believe that he can still function and give the world a smile after all the shit he's been through. If the pain that I went through after only a year and a quarter was barely manageable... I can hardly imagine the kind of pain he went through after six years and a baby boy had transgressed between them...
Being under the impression that the person that you gave your all to loved you back and wanted to be with you as badly as you wanted to be with them... Believing that you were going to marry that significant other... Believing that you two were perfect for each other - 2 pieces of a 2 piece puzzle - soulmates... meant to be together for ever and ever. Then suddenly realizing that it was all for nothing - all a lie or a mirage. A figment of your imagination.
They didn't love us. They didn't want to give it their all to be with us. They didn't want to put in that extra effort... that extra energy to be with us - the people that they supposedly 'love' and 'would never leave'.
At least I only had to believe in something that wasn't real for no longer than 2 years... You, on the other hand, believed in it with all your heart, soul, and mind for over 6 years.
If I was close to giving up altogether... then you must have been on the verge to calling it quits... or even already gone.
But yet, here you are. Strong. Head held high - a smile on your face...
If you can do it, then I can do it without question. But it makes me wonder... if I'm still not over a relationship that only lasted a little under 2 years... then how the hell is 1 year enough time to get over a relationship that lasted 6 years?
You're dying still or already dead. I know it because I'm dying now.
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