Inbetween.

I don't know what to do. I love him with all my heart, but the fact remains... He left me. Despite telling me over and over that he loves me and only wants to be with me... He still left. And even though he had the means to stay, he still left.

So why do I love him?

The way his body feels against mine... The way I can stare into his eyes forever and get lost in them... The way I can run my fingers through his hair and down his body... I love it.

But then that begs to question, do I love HIM? Him, as in the kind of person he is.

In these past five weeks, I've questioned over and over and over again what it is that I want... What do I want from him - from our postponed relationship? Can I go back? Do I want to?

I'm hurt that he left me... And I feel that he doesn't love me because he was even able to do that.

Now, there's someone new. Someone who does understand the pain and the feelings of abandonment. I just can't tell what it is that I want... My heart is numb. Sometimes I feel little sparks of happiness and a small flutter of butterflies in my stomach with this new one...

He's sweet and he really cares about me for some damn reason.

I just wish I knew where to go from here.

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And I'm freaking out, because I'm seriously stuck. I don't know what to do. I don't know what move is the right move... What if I make a mistake and pass up the wrong one? I love him... But he left. The new one and I have this really strange, but comforting, connection. There aren't any expectations.